Hello. I’ve got something a little different, a lot darker, and definitely NSFW for you today. I’m about to unleash a collection of comebacks so explicit, disturbing, and downright hilarious that you’ll never look at your family the same way again.
Yes, these responses to the simple question, ‘How old are you?’ will make you squirm in your seat.
Consider yourself warned: what follows is a wild ride into the minds of some seriously unfiltered individuals.
- Old enough to have watched your mom’s baby delivery video… multiple times.
This answer is both funny and savage due to its dark humor, suggesting the speaker has an unhealthy obsession with birth videos, adding a disturbing twist to the concept of “old enough.” - Just old enough to have dated your dad when he was still fuckable.
The response is funny and savage, implying the questioner is too young to grasp the concept of dating an older person, perhaps someone’s parent, who still has their sexual appeal. - The same age I was when I walked in on your parents hate-fucking.
This is a witty comeback, leaving the exact age ambiguous while painting a graphic and disturbing mental image of witnessing parental hate sex, adding a dark comedic twist. - I hit puberty the year they put the first few dents in your mom’s self-esteem.
This answer is savage, suggesting the speaker’s puberty was directly responsible for damaging the questioner’s mother’s self-image, delivering a harsh insult. - Old as the day your dad started regretting not pulling out.
The statement is funny, conveying a sense of timelessness and regret, implying the speaker has been around since the questioner’s father made a huge mistake, likely fathering the questioner. - Don’t worry about my age, save that curiosity for the identity of your real father.
This response is both witty and savage, redirecting the questioner’s curiosity toward a potential paternity uncertainty, creating intrigue and a sense of discomfort. - Whichever age they start letting you buy antidepressants.
This is a witty reply, indicating the speaker is as old as the legal age to purchase medication, a clever twist on the concept of reaching adulthood. - Go fuck your dad, you little cunt.
A straightforward and profanity-laced insult, this retort is savage in its explicit suggestion, leaving no room for misinterpretation. - Just old enough to have introduced your mom to her first few stalkers.
The speaker here employs dark humor, implying they’ve reached the age where they can introduce the questioner’s mother to dangerous, obsessive stalkers, a twisted milestone. - You’ll find out when they put my age on the restraining order.
This answer is a clever combination of witty and savage, indicating that the speaker’s age will remain a mystery until it’s revealed on a restraining order obtained due to their obsessive behavior. - Just a year or two older than your mom was for her “experimental college years”.
There’s a good amount of humor in this response, as it hints at the speaker’s proximity in age to the questioner’s mother during her wild college days, a intriguing and potentially embarrassing revelation. - Old enough to have popped your mom’s cherry.
This is a direct and savage statement, proudly claiming to have deflowered the questioner’s mother, a graphic and bold assertion. - Your grandpa’s last wet dream age.
The reply is both funny and a bit disturbing, painting a vivid picture of the speaker existing within the sexual fantasies of the questioner’s grandfather, a strange and unsettling scenario. - The same age I’ll be deflowering your baby daughter in a few years.
This is a darkly funny prediction, suggesting the speaker plans to sexually initiate the questioner’s young daughter, a disturbing yet witty retort. - One year older than when I’ll be genetically cloning your hot sister.
A sci-fi twist adds humor to this response, indicating the speaker’s interest in cloning the questioner’s attractive sister, and their age will be just right for such an endeavor. - The age your grandma started blowing rent money on amateur Ukrainian shufflers.
The image of an elderly woman wasting money on obscure dance performances is comically absurd, making this answer humorous, with a subtle dig at the questioner’s family. - Old enough to have railed your slutty mom during her gang-bang phase.
Explicit and disturbing, this claim suggests the speaker participated in gang bangs with the questioner’s mother, a graphic and humiliating assertion. - Your grandpa’s final crusty-sock jizz dream age, bitch.
This is a disgusting image that combines sexual degradation with a sense of elder abuse, making it savagely funny. - As old as your whore aunt was for her backalley cuntpunching abortion.
The combination of graphic violence and sexual terminology makes this a savage insult. It’s a disturbing glimpse into a violent past, possibly involving the questioner’s family. - The ripe age I’ll be when I finish hate-fucking your wife into a disgusting cock-slime.
Emphasizing the speaker’s intent to humiliate and degrade the questioner’s spouse, this statement is savagely explicit, leaving no doubt about the speaker’s malice. - Just one year older than when your shitbag dad started diving for parked car cock.
A crude and humorous visualization, this answer portrays the speaker as a participant in a bizarre and humiliating sexual act involving the questioner’s father. - Old as that cumbucket sis of yours when she blew for her GED tuition.
Here, the speaker insults the questioner’s sister’s integrity and sexual behavior, suggesting she paid for her GED with sexual favors, a humiliating revelation. - Roughly your dumpster mother’s age when she got plowed at that truck stop.
This is a harsh and explicit insult, painting a graphic picture of the questioner’s mother engaging in sexual acts at a truck stop, a low and degrading scenario. - The same age I’ll be assfucking your hot daughter to infertility.
The speaker’s dark humor involves a disturbing sexual prediction, implying they will render the questioner’s daughter unable to have children, a twisted and savage retort.
If you wonder from where some of these came up, then I will just say I grow up on Balkan during 90’s.
