I did this one by request, but in the future, I will not do this type of brutal NSFW responses. Btw. some of these are taken from Reddit since they were so good. I will refrain myself of suggesting to use these.
- At least mine came back with the milk.
This reply suggests that the person’s father might have gone out to buy milk and never returned, a lighthearted response to a hurtful comment. - I would rather not have any dad than have two.
This is a great retort if the insulter also has father issues, indicating that two fathers are not needed. - Your dad should have made a white spot in the sheets instead of a black spot in society.
A harsh reply, insulting the insulter’s father for not being responsible enough to wear a condom. - Are your parents siblings?
This questions the lineage of the person making the initial comment, suggesting that their parents might be incestuous. - Hey, at least I have a mom.
Implies that the opponent does not have one. - He’s with your mom.
Blames the insulter’s mother for stealing the respondent’s father, turning the insult back on the insulter. - You’re just mad because your dad has a bigger pussy than you. And it’s pinker.
A harsh and derogatory comment about the insulter’s father, suggesting he is effeminate. - I don’t hate you, but I wish your dad used a condom.
Wishing the insulter had never been born, a very harsh reply. - Did I ask you where he is? No? Then mind your own business.
A straightforward rebuffal, telling the person to mind their own business. - So was your dad when he thought he didn’t need a condom.
Assuming the insulter was unplanned, this one is a harsh yet humorous comeback. - Nobody would miss you if your dad had put you in a tissue.
A crude comment implying that the insulter is so insignificant that their father should have disposed of them in a tissue. - Wow, you’re even dumber than you look.
A personal insult indicating that the insulter is unintelligent. - It’s scary to think that you were the quickest sperm. Just imagine the others…
This comeback questions the insulter’s parentage, suggesting they were the result of slow sperm. - I have nothing bad to say about your mother. Cows are considered sacred in my culture.
Showing respect for the insulter’s mother, but only because she is seen as a sacred cow in the respondent’s culture. - You keep my mother out of this, and I’ll keep this (pointing to your own penis) out of your mom’s mouth.
A crude yet direct threat to the insulter, indicating that the respondent will retaliate with a personal insult if their mother is brought into the conversation. - Your dad left you? I’d have been your dad, but your dog beat me to it.
Suggesting the insulter’s father figure is their dog, because he left them too. - You better hide yo kids then.
This is a threat, implying that the respondent will find and hurt the insulter’s children as payback. - How were you born? Your dad has no balls.
A harsh insult towards the insulter’s father, suggesting he is impotent. - Yo momma’s vagina is so hairy, your dad is tired of having two moustaches.
A crude comment about the insulter’s mother’s hygiene and appearance. - Didn’t your dad leave you with enough money for a therapist?
Assuming the insulter is struggling mentally due to father issues, this question asks whether the money left by their father was enough for therapy.
Obligatory suggestion to use more polite approach!
Polite answers
- “I appreciate your attempt at humor, but comments about family are a bit too personal for my taste.”
- “Wow, you must really struggle with coming up with original material. Maybe put that creative energy into something more positive?”
- “I’m surprised you’d go there. I thought we were having a more elevated conversation than that.”
- “Ouch, hitting below the belt already? I’ll take the high road if you don’t mind.”
- “My dad may not be around, but at least I didn’t inherit a lack of class like some people.”
- “Sorry, I don’t engage with that kind of low-brow banter. Why don’t we talk about something more constructive?”
- “I’m grateful that I’ve developed enough empathy to not mock others’ family situations.”
- “Looks like someone forgot their manners today. Why don’t we press reset on this conversation?”
- “I’ll be the bigger person and not stoop to insults about your family in return.”
- “Comments like that say more about you than me. I simply refuse to engage at that level.”
